Curve Balls

Life has thrown me a couple of curve balls lately, and I feel like I need to write about it to help me process. What I had planned for the next few years is now up in the air. My plan was to start school in the fall to get my Surgical Technician certification. I was going to start working full time next year in the fall, and life would continue with us as a family of 5. Now I'm not sure that school is an option this year, or if we will someday be a family of 6.

So here is what happened...I went to take my math placement test at the community college that I planned to attend. I aced the test and everything was good, until the advisor told me that I would need to take anatomy and physiology BEFORE I could start the surg. tech program. According to their website A & P is part of the first semester of classes. I had no idea I would need that before I would be admitted! They only start classes for this program in the fall, so she said that I would be looking at fall 2010 to get started. Have I mentioned that that wasn't part of the plan? She said that I could add my name to the applicant "pool" but that they only take about 16 or so students out of about 30 and most of them will have already had A & P, putting me farther down on the list. I'm just so frustrated! I thought I had it all planned out and now I don't know what to do. I'm taking a CNA class starting in April, so hopefully I can get a weekend job with that until I start school...

My second curve ball? My husband has said that he would not get snipped if I really want another baby. He said we could revisit the idea when the baby is about 18 months. Instead of jumping for joy though, I'm kind of torn. As much as I want another baby, I had a plan!!! Another baby doesn't fit into that plan. I can't afford to have 2 kids in daycare, so going to school wouldn't be worth it. If I found a job as a CNA on the weekends that I really enjoyed, I could do that with 2 kids, but I think my husband would kill me! I don't think he would be okay staying at home with 4 kids for 12 hours at a time, especially when the youngest would be an infant.

I had finally accepted that our family was complete, and for good reason, and now I just don't know. I know that there are no guarantees in life, and even if we decided to have another one, we would have to do IVF again. It worked once, but what if it didn't work the next time? What if we had a baby with special needs? But what if we could finally have a girl? Or a boy who actually looked like me? I love being pregnant, and I would love to have another baby, but I'm not sure it is the right thing to do. Besides, he just said we would table the discussion until the baby is 18 months old. He didn't say he would agree to it.

So now I need a new plan...but it looks like that plan is going to have to be flexible. I have a lot of thinking to do.

Staying Connected

I am just amazed at how "connected" we all are, without actually speaking to people in person. I am a perfect example of this. I have 2 blogs, one about my family and this running commentary. I am addicted to Face.book and recently signed up with Twitt.er, all in an effort to be and stay connected to my friends and family. The thing that I find most amusing is that I would find out a whole lot more (most of the time) if I just picked up the phone and used some of my 800+ minutes! Are we really so busy that we can't make personal contact anymore?

I think it says something about our society as a whole that we would rather sign into Face.book and view from the outside, than actually being a part of someone else's life. Take for instance the high school friend you haven't spoken to in 10 or 15 years who recently sent you a "friend" request. Come on, you know you have one! You accept graciously because you're curious what he/she and his/her family look like. You want to know the gossip and see the pictures but not really talk to that person! Am I right?

The same goes for the blogs that we read. It's a great way to follow along with our friends' lives, but also a source of entertainment. Admit it, you feel better about your own life sometimes after you read a few blogs! Sometimes you might even learn a thing or two from a blog...like how to make something. I read a ton of craft blogs to get ideas for new things to make, but I would learn a lot faster and probably be a lot better at my craft if I actually took a class with (gasp) real people.

Don't get me wrong...I'm not advocating a disconnect from all of these things. Like most things in life, moderation and balance are key. So keep writing (and reading) blogs and sharing your life on Face.book and twitter. But take a little time to connect by voice or in person with those people you treasure. You'll be amazed at how good that makes you feel!

Trying for a Girl

Why is it that when a family has children that are all the same sex, everyone wants them to "try again" for the opposite sex? It's as if having children that are all the same sex is somehow less desireable than having one (or some) of each. When a family has a boy and a girl, noone wants to know when/if they are going to have another child. They just assume that they have the "perfect" family and won't need any more.

When I was pregnant with my third child, my husband and my boys all wanted me to have a girl. I was the only one who wanted another boy. For me, having another boy was going to be easier. I know boys. I am comfortable with boys. And besides, my best friend has 3 girls, so I could get my girl fix anytime I wanted. When we found out that it was indeed going to be another boy, I had a brief moment of disappointment, but it wasn't anything major. Don't get me wrong...I wasn't disappointed that it was another boy. That's what I wanted, remember?! I was disappointed that it was my last child and I would never here those 3 words, "It's a girl!" Once the moment passed, I was thrilled that I would have 'My 3 sons.' I couldn't wait to decide on a name and paint the nursery. I couldn't wait to see which one of his brothers he would look like.

And still, once he was born and I had a beautiful baby boy in my arms, people still asked if I was planning on trying for a girl! Is it so unbelievable that I would be happy with the gender of my children? Is it crazy to think that 3 boys are enough, and I don't need a girl to feel fulfilled? My gorgeous family is complete and perfect just the way it is. I, for one, will not be trying for a girl!