Does Size Matter?

I recently had a conversation about children with one of my only single friends. She is in a serious, long term relationship that she hopes will soon turn to marriage and a family. She is aware of our efforts to conceive a third child and is bewildered at the thought of wanting more than two children. So I began to give her my reasons for wanting a bigger family and I'll share them with you now. They may seam a little nutty, but believe me, they all play a factor in why I think that family size matters. I have several, more personal reasons for wanting another child, but these pertain to why more is better for me.

1) What if one of my sons is gay and/or never has kids? My other grandchildren, if I have any, will not have any cousins to play with from our side of the family. This would also limit the number of grandchildren that I may someday have. I come from a small family. I have only one brother and he is still single. My kids are the only grandchildren that my mother has, and maybe all that she will ever have. While that makes Christmas a little cheaper, it probably doesn't make up for the fact that she always dreamed of seeing my brother with his own children. It doesn't make up for the fact that she may never have a mother/son dance at a wedding, because it doesn't look like there may ever be a wedding.

2) What if one of my children is diagnosed with a fatal disease or is killed in an accident? Due to recent events, I am all to aware that this can and does happen. The ramifications for the child left at home are not good. He would lose his playmate, his sibling, his confident and his future best man. Not to mention that I would have one child who would have the burden of taking care of DH and I when we get older. He would be the one responsible for life or death situation when my husband and/or I are incapacitated to make those decisions. That's not fair. He would need someone to talk to that has every bit as much at stake as he would.

3) What if I never have a girl, and I don't get along with the women that my sons bring home? Will I ever know that mother/daughter bond? Will I ever be present for the birth of my grandchildren? Although my mother and I don't have a close bond (I was much closer to my father when he was alive), I do appreciate the things that we share because we are both women. I love that she was able to be with me in the hospital for the birth of my children. I love that she supported me when I was breastfeeding, and then supported me when it was time for me to wean them. I want to be that kind of support for somebody. I want to have that relationship.

4) What if my husband or I die prematurely and they are left without one of their parents while still living at home? Siblings are a great comfort, and the more there are, the more comfort they would have. I wouldn't want my sons to go through something like that alone. Even though they would have each other, one of them would probably go off by himself to deal with things, leaving the other one to fend for himself in his grief. How horrible would that be?

5) What if one or both of my sons move away from me, because boys tend to move closer to their wives' families? When they're older and we have holiday parties or family celebrations, if one of them doesn't show, then it's just mom, dad and son. It's not the same dynamic as if there were 3 or 4 children there. I love the Thanksgiving dinners that we shared with my mom's family. She had 2 sisters and 5 brothers, so there was never a shortage of family around. The holidays were full of family traditions and togetherness. I had a ton of cousins, aunts, uncles and grandparents to love, and who loved me. A smaller family doesn't mean less love, but it does mean less family.

I do realize that all of this sounds a little tongue in cheek, and the arguments are weak, at best. However, they are all very real thoughts of mine that keep my pushing to have more children. I love the children that I have and I would be happy if our family didn't continue to grow. I wouldn't love my boys any less, and I would eventually forget all of the things that right now I think I would miss out on. But as long as I'm young and healthy, and have the means to support another child comfortably, I am going to keep trying. Besides, 3 is the new 2, right?