We've come a Long Way - But We're Not There Yet

Today, we have a new President-elect: Barack Obama. Obama will be the 44th President of the United States and the first African American President ever elected in this great nation! I am overjoyed at the renewed feelings of hope that many Americans have right now and I look forward to the change that is coming our way. I am proud that the people of this country were able to overlook race, for the most part, and vote based on the issues and ideologies that they believed in. Unfortunately, some of those ideologies included decreased rights for homosexuals in several states.

Yesterday, Californians voted on Proposition 8, a measure to ban gay marriages in their state by way of a constitutional amendment. Much to the chagrin of many Californians and Americans alike, that measure has seemingly passed (There are still 3 million absentee ballots to be counted with the yes vote leading 52%.). It adds a passage to the state constitution that says “only marriage between a man or a woman is valid or recognized in California.” What I find most troubling about the passing of Proposition 8 is that African Americans voted overwhelmingly for it! I would think that a group of people who understand what it is like to be discriminated against based on something out of your control would have voted for equality. Instead, they voted to ban same sex marriages by a margin as high as 3 to 1. That just astounds me. How can you demand equality for some Americans and not others?

Also voted on yesterday was a proposal in Arkansas that non-married couples, including homosexual couples (already constitutionally banned from being able to be married in that state), not be allowed to adopt or foster children. With all of the children in this world who need a good, loving home and parent s to care them, it is amazing to me that we would let anything stand in the way of qualified individuals willing and wanting to foster and adopt, based on marital status and/or sexual preference.

In Florida and Arizona residents voted to amend their state constitutions to limit marriage to opposite sex couples. Florida’s measure would also ban civil unions, something still allowed in several states.

So while this day marks a historic victory for African Americans and people of all colors, it has been a day of defeat for many in the gay, lesbian and bisexual community, proving that even though we have come a long way, we still do not value every American as equal.

It Is Better To Have Loved and Lost, Than Never to Have Loved At All

Is it really? When you lose someone you care deeply for, the hurt is so strong that it is almost unbearable. You would do almost anything to make that pain go away…but would you wish that that love never existed, so the loss wouldn’t be so monumental? For me, the answer is an emphatic NO WAY!

I had a wonderful relationship with my father for most of my life. He wasn’t perfect, and we definitely had our differences, especially when I was a snotty, know-it-all teenager, but we always managed to work things out. By the time I was an adult, he had become my rock- even more so than my husband. He was always there to talk to, comfort and counsel me, and tell me how much he loved me. He was a good father-in-law to my husband, with whom he could always sit down and enjoy a beer. He was a wonderful and generous grandfather to my children and a great friend to anyone in need. He would give you the shirt off his back if you needed it, and would never expect anything in return. I believe it is his love, and the example that he set in his life that has helped make me who I am today.

I lost my father when he was 54 years old, which was way too early in my book! I know that there are things that I could have still learned from him. When I get to thinking about all of the things that he won’t be here for, I have to remind myself that not everyone is as lucky as I am. I had his love and wisdom for 29 years and I have to remember all of the things that he was there for, and how many memories we made while he was alive. He taught me how to ride a bike, helped me learn to play softball, and was always available to proofread my school papers. He watched me graduate from high school and college, he walked me down the aisle and danced with me at my wedding, and he was able to meet and build a relationship with my boys. I will be forever grateful for our time together, and even though it still hurts like hell, I know that I am a better person for loving him. It really is better to have loved and lost, than never to have loved at all.