Getting Through the Holidays

Our last Vermont Thanksgiving

For me, the holidays have always been a joyful time of year. Time to be with family, be grateful for what we have, make some good memories. This year is the first year that we are celebrating without either of my parents, and it is hard. Really hard.

Growing up, we spent Thanksgiving with my mother’s side of the family. Everyone would get together at my grandparents’ house and we would share in all of the responsibilities that go along with feeding and entertaining 20-30 children and adults.  It was the day that Christmas card photos were taken and memories were made. We sang, we played games, we ate and we laughed. I have so many memories of that time spent with my family, and I am so grateful for each and every one of them. I want that for my kids. I hope that they will one day cherish their memories of the holidays as I do mine.

I managed to get through Thanksgiving pretty well, mostly because I was busy spending time with my husband’s family, and trying to make the holiday special for the kids. Now it’s December, and all eyes are on Christmas, but I’m having a hard time feeling the joy of Christmas that is usually radiating from me this time of year.

                                         

It’s December, the “Season of Giving,” and I have only bought a few small things at Five Below. I’ve only made half a batch of cookies, and my wish list is only 2 items long. I just can’t seem to get into it this year. Of course, because I have kids, I am faking it the best way I know how - by sticking with tradition.  I made shortbread cookies and we all decorated the tree together while listening to Christmas music. I hung our stockings and put up the rest of the decorations. The hard part came when the boys went to bed, and it was just my husband and I in the living room, looking at the tree and listening to the music. Sitting there in the dim light from the Christmas tree, all I could think about was what I was missing: my Mom and her exuberant laugh, and my Dad with his warm smile and generous spirit. Looking at their stockings hung above the fireplace made me realize that for the first time, neither of them would be filled Christmas morning. There would be no extra presents under the tree. I haven’t sat in the living room since.

My father died two weeks after Christmas, almost 5 years ago, and the pain has lessened, but it’s not gone. My mother died almost 4 months ago, and the pain from her passing has only been pushed aside by sheer willpower on my part to keep it out. My resolve is crumbling though, and it’s getting harder every day to keep my feelings at bay. I want to feel the spirit of Christmas. I want to sing Christmas songs with my kids, and get excited with them for Christmas morning. Instead I am dreading the whole thing. I wish I could put my head under my pillow until it all blows over…but I’m not going to do that. I’m going to find a way to make this holiday just as special as those in the past, for me and my family!  I may shed a few tears along the way, but I guess that is to be expected. I still have 3 beautiful, healthy children and a husband who adores me. I have a sister in France, and a brother in California who will be here to share the holidays with us, and we will make plenty of new memories together. I owe it to my kids. I owe it to my parents.

ETA: This post was written a few weeks ago and was scheduled to post, but didn't. Last week I made 4 batches of cookies and today I finally went Christmas shopping. I've also spent some time alone in the living room, and it's not as haunting as it was at first. I'm getting there! :)

Be Careful What You Wish For

Have you ever gotten exactly what you wished for, and then wonder why you wanted it in the first place? The reason I haven't blogged AT ALL in the last 5 months is because I got a job. A full time job. Something just for me, so I could feel fulfilled. Yay me! I also now have guilt, stress, exhaustion and a longing for the way things were.

Until recently I had not worked full time since I becoming a mother, except for when I was a nanny and took my oldest son to work with me. Since then I have worked as a server and bartender,  and I have been a real estate agent for a few different local firms. I am fortunate enough to have a husband who is willing to stay home with the kids while I work nights and weekends. He does a good share of the household chores and he does most of the cooking. I really can't complain. But I did.

As much as I loved being home with my kids, I didn't feel like my work was fulfilling to me personally. I felt unchallenged intellectually, and felt my chances of using the education that my parents paid for were slipping away with each passing day.  In addition, as the kids got older, and we had more of them, I started to resent having to share my nights and weekends with work obligations. It was necessary for me to be earning something, but I didn't want to give up my family time to do it. So my solution was to put my youngest son in daycare and get a full time day job. I wanted to prove (mostly to myself) that I was more than "just a mom" with a sewing machine, a crazy sweet tooth and a blog. I needed to show the world that I had more to offer and I could do it between the hours of 9am and 5pm, so my family time would be uninterrupted.

So about 6 months ago I applied for a job with a small staffing agency. The owner saw something in me that she could work with and she ended up offering me the Staffing Coordinator position with her company. She said I would be difficult to "sell" to her clients because I had never had a full-time office job, but I had a lot of marketable and translatable skills that she could utilize and enhance upon. I was thrilled. Ecstatic even! Finally, somebody saw me as something other than a wife, mother, or caretaker.

I began my job in June and by July I had already received a raise. By August I was on the fast track to becoming a senior recruiter and the head of business development. I felt like a million bucks! I never saw coming what happened next.

On the way home from work one day I received a phone call that my mother was in the hospital. Three weeks later, and on my son's 3rd birthday, she died. It.was.awful. I'll save the details for another time, but suffice it to say that after losing 2 parents in 4 years, I was very overwhelmed with grief. I managed to suppress that grief by focusing on my job, and all of the new obligations that my mother's death bestowed upon me. But instead of giving me comfort, my job has done nothing but cause me more stress. I am just trading one emotion for another.

It's amazing how the death of a loved one causes us to reorganize our priorities. All of a sudden, my need to feel fulfilled seems so petty compared to the needs of my family. I had everything that I (previously) wanted, but I was no longer happy! I probably should have quit my job immediately when my mother got sick, but hind sight is always 20/20, right?! I didn't quit right then for a number of reasons, but mainly it was because I'm a chicken and I hate confrontation.  It's also because I have been trained and groomed more than any person in my position before me. I am literally half of our staff, and my boss has come to rely on me heavily.

It was so hard to tell her that I needed to leave, but I finally did it. It was a huge weight lifted from my shoulders! My last day is December 16th and I am looking forward to spending more time with my friends and family, and giving back through volunteering!

Teacher Appreciation Gift Idea- Stamp of Approval

I went to the craft store the other day to get supplies for my soccer cupcake tower and I came home with this. I actually came home with a lot more stuff, but this was my inspiration.

I spray painted the letter (First letter of teacher's last name) and the wooden "bag" and then covered the front and back of the bag with scrapbook paper. When the letter was dry I hot glued it to the front. I placed a stamp pad and 2 school related stamps in the tissue paper and tied it with a little ribbon. I made a card with the following message and signed my boys' names:

"As a teacher, you have earned my STAMP of approval. "

I made one for my other son's teacher, knowing that she is really into lady bugs. I love how hers turned out too! I found these wooden lady bugs at A.C. Moore and hot glued them to my finished project.

Once the teachers take the stamps out, these "bags" can be used as pencil holders, a desk caddy, or even a candy dish! They were super easy to make, and even easier on my wallet! :)

ETA: Both teachers loved their gifts! The boys were very proud to be giving them as well, so it was a win-win!

Tuesday Tutorial: Cupcake Tower

I have so many projects that I want to write tutorials for, and I've yet to put a single one on my blog- until now. I'm going to start a new series called Tuesday Tutorials.  Sometimes the tutorials will be my own, and sometimes I will spotlight one of my favorite online tutorials with my feedback from the project. Today's tutorial was inspired by a few I've seen online, but I added a few of my own twists. So here goes...my first online tutorial!

DIY Cupcake Tower

Supplies needed

Supplies:

3 cake rounds ( or 3 different size cardboard circles)
6 spools (I found mine in a pack at JoAnn Fabrics in the wood section, but you could use empty thread spools)

Spray paint

Themed wrapping paper, cardstock or scapbook paper (to cover the circles)

Spray adhesive

Ribbon

Hot glue and glue gun

Gorilla Glue (optional)
Styrofoam ring

Instructions:

1. Spray paint your spools to match your cupcake tower theme.

Cutting the paper

The bottom tier

2.  Spray your biggest cake round (I use 12" rounds for the bottom since most scrapbook paper comes in a 12x12 sheet)  with adhesive and put it face down on the backside of your themed paper. Cut around the circle with a craft knife on a cutting mat.

3. Repeat Step 2 for the next 2 cake rounds. When you're done you'll have something like this. Don't worry if the edges aren't perfect because you'll be hiding them with ribbon. If you want to seal the tops with mod podge, now would be the time to do it.

All 3 Tiers covered

4. Glue your styrofoam circle to the bottom of your biggest tier. This will allow the ribbon to hang from the tier. 

Bottom Tier with styrofoam base

5. Use a hot glue gun to glue the ribbon to the edge of each of your now covered cake rounds, making sure the line up the edge of the ribbon with the top of the cake round.

6. When your spools are dry, glue 3 spools on top of each other to form the supports for the tiers. You'll have 2 stacks of 3. I use gorilla glue for this because it holds so well. You can probably use your glue gun if you don't have any gorilla glue. 


7. When the glue is dry, glue the tiers together with the spools in between. I usually flip the top 2 tiers over and mark the center with a pen. Glue the stack of spools to the center of each tier and then to the top of the tier below it. When you're done you'll have a completed cupcake tower! 

3 Tier Cupcake Tower

Note: This cupcake stand is made for cupcakes that will have piped icing and toppers on them like the picture below. If you won't be using cupcake toppers, you could probably get away with 2 spools between the tiers and one smaller tier on top. The same would be true if you were making this for mini cupcakes. You can find printable cupcake toppers to go with this soccer cupcake tower here.

Mickey Mouse Cupcake Tower

You can see more of the Mickey Mouse Birthday Party here. I hope you enjoyed this tutorial! If you have any questions or suggestions, please let me know. If you make one, I'd love to see it!

 I've linked this post to Sugar Bee Crafts Take-a-Look Tuesday. Hop on over and see what everyone else has been making too!

Soccer Party Printables

My Oldest Son Playing Around at The Soccer Fields

Last weekend my kids played their last soccer games of the season. They were also the last games they would play with their father as their coach. My oldest is moving on to a challenge league where my husband does not have the skills to coach. My middle son is going to be playing football in the fall, despite his natural talent for the game of soccer. I will miss watching him play. Until next spring I will be seeing a lot of this:

My Middle Son who LOVES football

In a few years, we'll be watching this one play on a team too! 

My Youngest Likes to Play Soccer already!

Tomorrow night is the end of season soccer party for both of my sons' teams, and we are doing what we always do- meeting at a local pizza shop for the all-you-can-eat buffet where we'll hand out trophies and talk about what the boys will be doing next season.  This year I thought I would do something special, since it will be the last season of its kind. I decided to make some cupcakes (because any reason is a good reason to make cupcakes) and a special cupcake tower (tutorial to follow tomorrow). I think the boys will really like it. They love to brag about my baking to their friends, and they really love to eat what I bake, so it's a win-win for everybody!

I made these cupcake toppers for the party and thought I would share them with all of you! You can download and print the soccer cupcake toppers here. If you have never made cupcake toppers, there is a good tutorial here from The Tomkat Studio. For these, you can just cut out the squares and stick them to a lollipop stick.

Before I go, here is a sneak peak at the tutorial I'm going to post tomorrow:

Soccer Cupcake Tower

What do you think?

In with the Old, Out with the New

That's what it says on the doors of my gym, and I love it! This week it is especially true for me. I have set some personal records at the gym (on the treadmill) and I am starting to feel like a new person. It's a fantastic feeling! My question is this...

When can you start to call yourself a "runner?"

My entire life I've used the excuse that I'm just not a runner. I never really developed the lungs for it. The mile run in P.E. class was pure torture and running laps during soccer practice wasn't much better. It's not that I was, or am, against exercise. It's just that I prefer other forms of it. Lately, I've been on a Zumba kick. I joined this particular gym because of its class offerings, so I could take a Zumba class almost any day/night of the week. What I am finding though, is that I don't always have time to take a Zumba class any day/night of the week. Sometimes I have to get in and out of the gym in under an hour. So I have started using the treadmill.

I had a dismal start on the treadmill. I could only run for about 6 or 7 minutes at time at a speed under 5.0 until I had to walk again.  Slowly I got better, and I began to really challenge myself.  I now run at a speed of 5.0 or higher and I have pushed myself each time to go a little further. This week I ran 2 entire miles without stopping- for the first time EVER in my life! My next trip to the gym I did 2.5 miles. My next goal is to do 2.5 miles in less time. I'm not trying to run marathons or anything, but I feel like it's good to have goals. Which brings me back to my original question...When can you call yourself a runner?

Are you a runner when you complete your first mile? Or two? Or ten?  Do you have to run a 5k, or train for a half marathon? Most runners would laugh at my 2.5 mile personal record if I used it as proof that I am a runner. Wouldn't they? Maybe. Maybe not. In the meantime, I've done some thing that I never thought I would do. I feel better than I thought I ever could about something I've hated to do my entire life!  I am getting fit, and I finally have the lungs to run!  I guess that makes me a runner!!!

So now I'm curious...If you run, or used to run, at what point did you start to consider yourself a runner? I'd love to hear your stories!

Homemade Oatmeal Cream Pies

Last fall I bought a Taste of Home magazine in the grocery store checkout isle. It was a Fall Baking Cookbook with 200 "Oven Fresh Treats" inside. I initially thought that I would try several of the recipes, because they all looked so scrumptious! The problem was that after I made this recipe, I didn't need to make anything else! Every time I made these oatmeal cream pies, they disappeared with requests for more! I've now made them several times, and I now have my own version, which is only slightly different from the original.  The way I make them, you can get almost 40 sandwich cookies from each batch, but don't try to make a double batch unless you have a HUGE mixer. This recipe has a lot of batter!

Oatmeal Cream Pies

Adapted from Taste of Home

Cookie:

1 1/2 C.   Shortening

1 1/3 C.   Dark Brown Sugar

1 1/3 C.   Light Brown Sugar

         4     Eggs

 1 Tbsp.   Vanilla Extract  ( I use the good stuff, not imitation)

2 1/4 C.   All Purpose Flour

    2 tsp.   Ground Cinnamon

1 1/2 tsp. Baking Soda

     1 tsp.  Salt

  1/2 tsp.  Ground Nutmeg

        4C.  Old-fashioned Oats 

Filling:

   3/4 C.  Shortening

      3 C.  Confectioner's Sugar

    1 Jar   (7 oz.) Marshmallow creme

1-2 Tbsp. Milk

Directions: Cream the shortening and sugars together in your mixer bowl until light and fluffy. Add the vanilla and the eggs 1 at a time, beating well and scraping the bowl with a spatula between each one. 

In a separate bowl combine flour, baking soda, cinnamon, salt, and nutmeg and stir with a whisk. Add these dry ingredients to the wet ingredients already in your mixer bowl and mix slowly. Stir in the oats by hand. 

Using a small cookie scoop (for similar shape and sized cookies) drop the cookies onto a non-stick cookie sheet (or a lightly greased cookie sheet) and bake at 350 degrees for 10-12 minutes or until golden brown. Let the cookies cool on the tray for a few minutes before removing them to wire racks to cool completely. 

Once the cookies are cooled completely, put the filling mixture into a piping bag (or ziploc bag with the corner snipped off) and pipe a swirl on half of the cookies like this: 

 Don't get too close to the edges because, if you do, the cream will spill out when you put the top on!

When you are done you should have about 38-39  Oatmeal Cream Pies to devour ravenously enjoy! I promise, you will never want another Little Debbie oatmeal cream pie again!