Today, we have a new President-elect: Barack Obama. Obama will be the 44th President of the United States and the first African American President ever elected in this great nation! I am overjoyed at the renewed feelings of hope that many Americans have right now and I look forward to the change that is coming our way. I am proud that the people of this country were able to overlook race, for the most part, and vote based on the issues and ideologies that they believed in. Unfortunately, some of those ideologies included decreased rights for homosexuals in several states.
Yesterday, Californians voted on Proposition 8, a measure to ban gay marriages in their state by way of a constitutional amendment. Much to the chagrin of many Californians and Americans alike, that measure has seemingly passed (There are still 3 million absentee ballots to be counted with the yes vote leading 52%.). It adds a passage to the state constitution that says “only marriage between a man or a woman is valid or recognized in California.” What I find most troubling about the passing of Proposition 8 is that African Americans voted overwhelmingly for it! I would think that a group of people who understand what it is like to be discriminated against based on something out of your control would have voted for equality. Instead, they voted to ban same sex marriages by a margin as high as 3 to 1. That just astounds me. How can you demand equality for some Americans and not others?
Also voted on yesterday was a proposal in Arkansas that non-married couples, including homosexual couples (already constitutionally banned from being able to be married in that state), not be allowed to adopt or foster children. With all of the children in this world who need a good, loving home and parent s to care them, it is amazing to me that we would let anything stand in the way of qualified individuals willing and wanting to foster and adopt, based on marital status and/or sexual preference.
In Florida and Arizona residents voted to amend their state constitutions to limit marriage to opposite sex couples. Florida’s measure would also ban civil unions, something still allowed in several states.
So while this day marks a historic victory for African Americans and people of all colors, it has been a day of defeat for many in the gay, lesbian and bisexual community, proving that even though we have come a long way, we still do not value every American as equal.
Wednesday, November 5, 2008
Tuesday, June 17, 2008
It Is Better To Have Loved and Lost, Than Never to Have Loved At All
Is it really? When you lose someone you care deeply for, the hurt is so strong that it is almost unbearable. You would do almost anything to make that pain go away…but would you wish that that love never existed, so the loss wouldn’t be so monumental? For me, the answer is an emphatic NO WAY!
I had a wonderful relationship with my father for most of my life. He wasn’t perfect, and we definitely had our differences, especially when I was a snotty, know-it-all teenager, but we always managed to work things out. By the time I was an adult, he had become my rock- even more so than my husband. He was always there to talk to, comfort and counsel me, and tell me how much he loved me. He was a good father-in-law to my husband, with whom he could always sit down and enjoy a beer. He was a wonderful and generous grandfather to my children and a great friend to anyone in need. He would give you the shirt off his back if you needed it, and would never expect anything in return. I believe it is his love, and the example that he set in his life that has helped make me who I am today.
I lost my father when he was 54 years old, which was way too early in my book! I know that there are things that I could have still learned from him. When I get to thinking about all of the things that he won’t be here for, I have to remind myself that not everyone is as lucky as I am. I had his love and wisdom for 29 years and I have to remember all of the things that he was there for, and how many memories we made while he was alive. He taught me how to ride a bike, helped me learn to play softball, and was always available to proofread my school papers. He watched me graduate from high school and college, he walked me down the aisle and danced with me at my wedding, and he was able to meet and build a relationship with my boys. I will be forever grateful for our time together, and even though it still hurts like hell, I know that I am a better person for loving him. It really is better to have loved and lost, than never to have loved at all.
I had a wonderful relationship with my father for most of my life. He wasn’t perfect, and we definitely had our differences, especially when I was a snotty, know-it-all teenager, but we always managed to work things out. By the time I was an adult, he had become my rock- even more so than my husband. He was always there to talk to, comfort and counsel me, and tell me how much he loved me. He was a good father-in-law to my husband, with whom he could always sit down and enjoy a beer. He was a wonderful and generous grandfather to my children and a great friend to anyone in need. He would give you the shirt off his back if you needed it, and would never expect anything in return. I believe it is his love, and the example that he set in his life that has helped make me who I am today.
I lost my father when he was 54 years old, which was way too early in my book! I know that there are things that I could have still learned from him. When I get to thinking about all of the things that he won’t be here for, I have to remind myself that not everyone is as lucky as I am. I had his love and wisdom for 29 years and I have to remember all of the things that he was there for, and how many memories we made while he was alive. He taught me how to ride a bike, helped me learn to play softball, and was always available to proofread my school papers. He watched me graduate from high school and college, he walked me down the aisle and danced with me at my wedding, and he was able to meet and build a relationship with my boys. I will be forever grateful for our time together, and even though it still hurts like hell, I know that I am a better person for loving him. It really is better to have loved and lost, than never to have loved at all.
Saturday, July 7, 2007
Just When You Think You're the Only One
In the world of infertility women are usually aware that they are not the only one having trouble conceiving. Inevitably though, at some point it will seem like every woman that she knows either knows someone pregnant, or is pregnant herself but doesn't want to be insensitive by sharing the news. She begins to feel like the odds are against her and that maybe if she was a teenager hooked on drugs, she would be able to conceive freely. She begins to wonder what she did to deserve this, and ask why it's so easy for some, but so difficult for her. Did she do something in her past life to piss off the Gods? Should she have even bothered with birth control all of those years? Is a pregnancy (or another one) really within her reach?
I spent a week with a childhood friend over the 4th of July. The first night that she was here we stayed up until the wee hours of the morning talking about trying to conceive and infertility. It was a topic that I thought she knew nothing about...boy was I wrong!!! I found out that she had PCOS, or Polycystic Ovarian Syndrome (which she assumed I knew nothing about) and had had 2 miscarriages. She and her husband have a beautiful 2 year old daughter but are hoping to give her a sibling. She's on Clomid for the first time and we talked about my experiences with it. We talked about the roller coaster ride of seeing negative pregnancy tests month after month, especially when you're sure it was your month.
It turns out that just when you think you're the only one you know struggling with infertility, a friend decides to share her struggles and makes you realize that you're not alone after all. It's comforting to know that someone in your own circle understands your plight.
I spent a week with a childhood friend over the 4th of July. The first night that she was here we stayed up until the wee hours of the morning talking about trying to conceive and infertility. It was a topic that I thought she knew nothing about...boy was I wrong!!! I found out that she had PCOS, or Polycystic Ovarian Syndrome (which she assumed I knew nothing about) and had had 2 miscarriages. She and her husband have a beautiful 2 year old daughter but are hoping to give her a sibling. She's on Clomid for the first time and we talked about my experiences with it. We talked about the roller coaster ride of seeing negative pregnancy tests month after month, especially when you're sure it was your month.
It turns out that just when you think you're the only one you know struggling with infertility, a friend decides to share her struggles and makes you realize that you're not alone after all. It's comforting to know that someone in your own circle understands your plight.
Monday, May 7, 2007
Does Size Matter?
I recently had a conversation about children with one of my only single friends. She is in a serious, long term relationship that she hopes will soon turn to marriage and a family. She is aware of our efforts to conceive a third child and is bewildered at the thought of wanting more than two children. So I began to give her my reasons for wanting a bigger family and I'll share them with you now. They may seam a little nutty, but believe me, they all play a factor in why I think that family size matters. I have several, more personal reasons for wanting another child, but these pertain to why more is better for me.
1) What if one of my sons is gay and/or never has kids? My other grandchildren, if I have any, will not have any cousins to play with from our side of the family. This would also limit the number of grandchildren that I may someday have. I come from a small family. I have only one brother and he is still single. My kids are the only grandchildren that my mother has, and maybe all that she will ever have. While that makes Christmas a little cheaper, it probably doesn't make up for the fact that she always dreamed of seeing my brother with his own children. It doesn't make up for the fact that she may never have a mother/son dance at a wedding, because it doesn't look like there may ever be a wedding.
2) What if one of my children is diagnosed with a fatal disease or is killed in an accident? Due to recent events, I am all to aware that this can and does happen. The ramifications for the child left at home are not good. He would lose his playmate, his sibling, his confident and his future best man. Not to mention that I would have one child who would have the burden of taking care of DH and I when we get older. He would be the one responsible for life or death situation when my husband and/or I are incapacitated to make those decisions. That's not fair. He would need someone to talk to that has every bit as much at stake as he would.
3) What if I never have a girl, and I don't get along with the women that my sons bring home? Will I ever know that mother/daughter bond? Will I ever be present for the birth of my grandchildren? Although my mother and I don't have a close bond (I was much closer to my father when he was alive), I do appreciate the things that we share because we are both women. I love that she was able to be with me in the hospital for the birth of my children. I love that she supported me when I was breastfeeding, and then supported me when it was time for me to wean them. I want to be that kind of support for somebody. I want to have that relationship.
4) What if my husband or I die prematurely and they are left without one of their parents while still living at home? Siblings are a great comfort, and the more there are, the more comfort they would have. I wouldn't want my sons to go through something like that alone. Even though they would have each other, one of them would probably go off by himself to deal with things, leaving the other one to fend for himself in his grief. How horrible would that be?
5) What if one or both of my sons move away from me, because boys tend to move closer to their wives' families? When they're older and we have holiday parties or family celebrations, if one of them doesn't show, then it's just mom, dad and son. It's not the same dynamic as if there were 3 or 4 children there. I love the Thanksgiving dinners that we shared with my mom's family. She had 2 sisters and 5 brothers, so there was never a shortage of family around. The holidays were full of family traditions and togetherness. I had a ton of cousins, aunts, uncles and grandparents to love, and who loved me. A smaller family doesn't mean less love, but it does mean less family.
I do realize that all of this sounds a little tongue in cheek, and the arguments are weak, at best. However, they are all very real thoughts of mine that keep my pushing to have more children. I love the children that I have and I would be happy if our family didn't continue to grow. I wouldn't love my boys any less, and I would eventually forget all of the things that right now I think I would miss out on. But as long as I'm young and healthy, and have the means to support another child comfortably, I am going to keep trying. Besides, 3 is the new 2, right?
1) What if one of my sons is gay and/or never has kids? My other grandchildren, if I have any, will not have any cousins to play with from our side of the family. This would also limit the number of grandchildren that I may someday have. I come from a small family. I have only one brother and he is still single. My kids are the only grandchildren that my mother has, and maybe all that she will ever have. While that makes Christmas a little cheaper, it probably doesn't make up for the fact that she always dreamed of seeing my brother with his own children. It doesn't make up for the fact that she may never have a mother/son dance at a wedding, because it doesn't look like there may ever be a wedding.
2) What if one of my children is diagnosed with a fatal disease or is killed in an accident? Due to recent events, I am all to aware that this can and does happen. The ramifications for the child left at home are not good. He would lose his playmate, his sibling, his confident and his future best man. Not to mention that I would have one child who would have the burden of taking care of DH and I when we get older. He would be the one responsible for life or death situation when my husband and/or I are incapacitated to make those decisions. That's not fair. He would need someone to talk to that has every bit as much at stake as he would.
3) What if I never have a girl, and I don't get along with the women that my sons bring home? Will I ever know that mother/daughter bond? Will I ever be present for the birth of my grandchildren? Although my mother and I don't have a close bond (I was much closer to my father when he was alive), I do appreciate the things that we share because we are both women. I love that she was able to be with me in the hospital for the birth of my children. I love that she supported me when I was breastfeeding, and then supported me when it was time for me to wean them. I want to be that kind of support for somebody. I want to have that relationship.
4) What if my husband or I die prematurely and they are left without one of their parents while still living at home? Siblings are a great comfort, and the more there are, the more comfort they would have. I wouldn't want my sons to go through something like that alone. Even though they would have each other, one of them would probably go off by himself to deal with things, leaving the other one to fend for himself in his grief. How horrible would that be?
5) What if one or both of my sons move away from me, because boys tend to move closer to their wives' families? When they're older and we have holiday parties or family celebrations, if one of them doesn't show, then it's just mom, dad and son. It's not the same dynamic as if there were 3 or 4 children there. I love the Thanksgiving dinners that we shared with my mom's family. She had 2 sisters and 5 brothers, so there was never a shortage of family around. The holidays were full of family traditions and togetherness. I had a ton of cousins, aunts, uncles and grandparents to love, and who loved me. A smaller family doesn't mean less love, but it does mean less family.
I do realize that all of this sounds a little tongue in cheek, and the arguments are weak, at best. However, they are all very real thoughts of mine that keep my pushing to have more children. I love the children that I have and I would be happy if our family didn't continue to grow. I wouldn't love my boys any less, and I would eventually forget all of the things that right now I think I would miss out on. But as long as I'm young and healthy, and have the means to support another child comfortably, I am going to keep trying. Besides, 3 is the new 2, right?
Monday, April 30, 2007
Mini Van Mama
Have you ever noticed the amount of minivans in the suburbs? My children go to a preschool where the parking lot in the morning is about 75% minivans, 20% SUVs and 5% cars. The same is true when we visit the soccer or baseball fields. Have today's moms gone minivan crazy?
Most of us weren't born with the innate desire to drive a minivan. In fact, when I was a little girl vans were mostly used by plumbers, not the typical American family. Instead, we had the ever-so-popular station wagon! It even had the seat in the "way back" that faced the rear of the car. Would I be caught driving one of those today? Heck no! And I said the same thing about minivans...until I had children.
When I had my first child, I owned a Saturn coup with the third door. It was sleek, black and had a sunroof. In hindsight, it was a real young person's car. It didn't take me long to realize that babies come with a lot of "stuff." The paraphernalia that accompanied even the simplest outing, required much more space than my coup could offer. I considered buying a bigger car, like the sensible Ford Taurus, but it wasn't for me. I wanted an SUV, but it wasn't economical for us. The compromise was my very first minivan, a used Ford Windstar!!!
I thought that I would be embarrased to be seen driving a minivan. I thought that it would make me feel old. As it turned out, I loved it!!! It had the room that I need, the comfort that I didn't expect and the feeling of safety that I desired! It was perfect! I wasn't embarrased, and I didn't feel old. In fact, I finally felt like a Mom that others could relate to. I felt like I had finally become a member of the club.
When it was time to trade in my van, I had two children to consider. We opted for another minivan. This time it was a brand new Chrysler Town and Country. We were determined to have bucket seats in the second row and a factory installed DVD player. Both things were designed to make my life, as a mom of two boys, easier! You just can't get those kind of options with standard cars. I have loved it since the day I bought it. We have driven from NC to VT and OH with the boys in the back, and it has served us well.
Will I always drive a minivan? Probably not...but I will as long as I need to. I think about the day when I will no longer need a minivan, and it saddens me. It will be the end of an era, so to speak, and I am not looking forward to it. So for now- I proudly drive a minivan and encourage other moms (who haven't done so already) to make the leap! You won't regret it!
Most of us weren't born with the innate desire to drive a minivan. In fact, when I was a little girl vans were mostly used by plumbers, not the typical American family. Instead, we had the ever-so-popular station wagon! It even had the seat in the "way back" that faced the rear of the car. Would I be caught driving one of those today? Heck no! And I said the same thing about minivans...until I had children.
When I had my first child, I owned a Saturn coup with the third door. It was sleek, black and had a sunroof. In hindsight, it was a real young person's car. It didn't take me long to realize that babies come with a lot of "stuff." The paraphernalia that accompanied even the simplest outing, required much more space than my coup could offer. I considered buying a bigger car, like the sensible Ford Taurus, but it wasn't for me. I wanted an SUV, but it wasn't economical for us. The compromise was my very first minivan, a used Ford Windstar!!!
I thought that I would be embarrased to be seen driving a minivan. I thought that it would make me feel old. As it turned out, I loved it!!! It had the room that I need, the comfort that I didn't expect and the feeling of safety that I desired! It was perfect! I wasn't embarrased, and I didn't feel old. In fact, I finally felt like a Mom that others could relate to. I felt like I had finally become a member of the club.
When it was time to trade in my van, I had two children to consider. We opted for another minivan. This time it was a brand new Chrysler Town and Country. We were determined to have bucket seats in the second row and a factory installed DVD player. Both things were designed to make my life, as a mom of two boys, easier! You just can't get those kind of options with standard cars. I have loved it since the day I bought it. We have driven from NC to VT and OH with the boys in the back, and it has served us well.
Will I always drive a minivan? Probably not...but I will as long as I need to. I think about the day when I will no longer need a minivan, and it saddens me. It will be the end of an era, so to speak, and I am not looking forward to it. So for now- I proudly drive a minivan and encourage other moms (who haven't done so already) to make the leap! You won't regret it!
Saturday, April 28, 2007
Welcome to the World of Infertility
I have two children that were conceived easily and quickly using the usual, natural conception methods. We had sex, and two weeks later we had a positive home pregnancy test. We thought that after our second was born, that we were done having kids, though no measures were taken to make our decision permanent. I've always said that since I had the kids, my husband would be the one to get "fixed." Thank goodness he didn't, because around Thanksgiving 2005 we decided that our family might not be complete. I had my IUD removed the next week and we immediately began trying to conceive #3.
To our surprise, we didn't get pregnant right away like we had in the past. In fact, we still have not conceived! Since my last child was born, my OB retired so I was seeing a new doctor. He wasn't very aggressive with treatment or testing until we had been trying for a year. I tried charting my temperatures, along with my cervical position and cervical fluid for 6 months, and we still didn't get pregnant. Finally I was tested and found that I was ovulating regularly and didn't have any tubal blockage or ovarian cysts. My husband had his sperm tested and the first specimen showed low motility. I researched on the web and found that L-carnitine and vitamin C had a positive effect on a man's sperm. He began taking the supplements immediately and his second sperm analysis, 3 months later, showed a significant improvement. His results were considered normal, but we still weren't getting pregnant.
After 14 months of not conceiving, I asked for a referral to a Reproductive Endocrinologist (RE). We went for our initial consultation and I absolutely adored the staff and the RE. She said that a rather mild intervention should be very successful for us. My file says that I have unspecified secondary infertility. Yipee! She suggested 5 days of clomid, an HCG trigger shot (Ovidrel) and IUI. We were on board 100% and began treatment the very next cycle. I was put on progesterone suppositories (They go in the va-jay-jay!) to lengthen the second half of my cycle. Luckily I was able to insert them at night before going to sleep, so the inconvenience was minimal. The inconvenience to my sex life, however, was great! It took much more planning if we wanted to be intimate, because it had to be done before I inserted the progesterone suppository. Planning has never been my strong suit, so you can imagine how often my husband got lucky!!!
Anyway, the first cycle didn't work, so I am now on a break from TTC. We are headed to Mexico in May, and I don't want to have to think about it while I'm on vacation. In June we will begin cycle #2. This time I will be taking Letrozole/Femara instead of clomid. We will do another IUI with the Ovidrel and progesterone. With any luck, we will win the battle against infertility on our next cycle. If not, we will try, try again!
The most important thing that I have learned from the roller coaster of infertility is that one should never take her fertility for granted. I made several decisions, including switching employers, based on the assumption that I would conceive quickly. I started thinking about baby names, and picked out nursery bedding, all before our journey really got started. I never thought that we would be affected by infertility. I never thought that I might not be blessed with the as many children as I chose to have. I have had to surrender to fate and realize that it may be out of my hands.
To our surprise, we didn't get pregnant right away like we had in the past. In fact, we still have not conceived! Since my last child was born, my OB retired so I was seeing a new doctor. He wasn't very aggressive with treatment or testing until we had been trying for a year. I tried charting my temperatures, along with my cervical position and cervical fluid for 6 months, and we still didn't get pregnant. Finally I was tested and found that I was ovulating regularly and didn't have any tubal blockage or ovarian cysts. My husband had his sperm tested and the first specimen showed low motility. I researched on the web and found that L-carnitine and vitamin C had a positive effect on a man's sperm. He began taking the supplements immediately and his second sperm analysis, 3 months later, showed a significant improvement. His results were considered normal, but we still weren't getting pregnant.
After 14 months of not conceiving, I asked for a referral to a Reproductive Endocrinologist (RE). We went for our initial consultation and I absolutely adored the staff and the RE. She said that a rather mild intervention should be very successful for us. My file says that I have unspecified secondary infertility. Yipee! She suggested 5 days of clomid, an HCG trigger shot (Ovidrel) and IUI. We were on board 100% and began treatment the very next cycle. I was put on progesterone suppositories (They go in the va-jay-jay!) to lengthen the second half of my cycle. Luckily I was able to insert them at night before going to sleep, so the inconvenience was minimal. The inconvenience to my sex life, however, was great! It took much more planning if we wanted to be intimate, because it had to be done before I inserted the progesterone suppository. Planning has never been my strong suit, so you can imagine how often my husband got lucky!!!
Anyway, the first cycle didn't work, so I am now on a break from TTC. We are headed to Mexico in May, and I don't want to have to think about it while I'm on vacation. In June we will begin cycle #2. This time I will be taking Letrozole/Femara instead of clomid. We will do another IUI with the Ovidrel and progesterone. With any luck, we will win the battle against infertility on our next cycle. If not, we will try, try again!
The most important thing that I have learned from the roller coaster of infertility is that one should never take her fertility for granted. I made several decisions, including switching employers, based on the assumption that I would conceive quickly. I started thinking about baby names, and picked out nursery bedding, all before our journey really got started. I never thought that we would be affected by infertility. I never thought that I might not be blessed with the as many children as I chose to have. I have had to surrender to fate and realize that it may be out of my hands.
An Introduction
I am a suburban mom who lives in "Middle America." Our house sits in a Planned Unit Development (PUD) community with white picket fences, a Homeowner's association and nosey neighbors. I live, as the title of this blog of suggests, in a cul-de-sac. I have 2 children, 3 dogs and an adoring husband. I work part-time as a real estate agent, but spend most of my time taking my children to the McDonald's, the movie theatre and the park.
While I don't presume to speak for all moms across America, I believe that there are enough women out there like me, that many will be able to relate to what I write. I am not writing this blog to make a statement, or to get recognition. Instead, I write to amuse and express myself, and hope that there are women (and men!) out there who may get some enjoyment out of it.
If you find this blog in the great world wide web, say hello in the comments section so I know that you're reading. Writing for an audience is always much more fun!
While I don't presume to speak for all moms across America, I believe that there are enough women out there like me, that many will be able to relate to what I write. I am not writing this blog to make a statement, or to get recognition. Instead, I write to amuse and express myself, and hope that there are women (and men!) out there who may get some enjoyment out of it.
If you find this blog in the great world wide web, say hello in the comments section so I know that you're reading. Writing for an audience is always much more fun!
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